Let’s be real - most of us spend a good part of our lives trying to outrun the parts of ourselves we don’t want to see. You know, the anger that flares up when someone pushes your buttons, the jealousy you pretend isn’t there, the fear of not being good enough that creeps in when no one is watching. We push these things down, cover them up with positive affirmations, pretend they don’t exist.

But here’s the thing…

The more we resist these hidden parts, the stronger they become. They don’t disappear just because we ignore them. Instead, they show up in the most inconvenient ways - through overreactions, self-sabotage, repeating patterns in relationships. Ever wondered why the same types of people keep showing up in your life? Why certain emotions hit harder than they “should”? Why you can’t seem to break a cycle no matter how much you try? That’s your shadow self - the part of you that’s been neatly (or not so neatly) tucked away, waiting to be acknowledged.

The world has conditioned us to fragment.

From the moment we are born, we are told what is acceptable and what is not. We are praised for certain qualities and subtly (or explicitly) discouraged from expressing others. Over time, this conditioning creates a divide within us - a separation between what we allow ourselves to be and what we deny.

The shadow is not inherently dark. It is simply that which has been left unseen, unheard, unlived.

In SOULSPEAK, we describe the shadow as an energetic imprint - a resonance that exists beyond the conscious mind. It is not just memory, not just trauma, but a living, breathing frequency within us. It exists in the body, in the nervous system, in the very way we move through the world.

  • The anger we suppress does not dissolve - it takes up space in our chest, in our jaw, in the way our shoulders tighten when we hold back our voice.
  • The grief we do not express does not leave - it lingers in our stomach, in our breath, in the moments we feel inexplicably heavy for no reason at all.
  • The joy we were told was “too much” does not die either - it becomes a longing we can never quite name, a sense that something is missing, though we cannot place what.

This is why shadow work is not just intellectual. It cannot be resolved through thought alone. It must be felt, moved, and energetically reintegrated. We do not "fix" the shadow. We unveil it, welcome it, and allow it to take its rightful place within us once more - it’s about reclaiming yourself.

So let’s talk about this. Let’s talk about how we can stop fighting ourselves and start befriending the parts we’ve been afraid to face!

 

What we reject within, we meet outside ourselves. We like to think we are separate from the world we experience. That the people we encounter, the conflicts we face, the emotions we feel are independent of us. But SOULSPEAK teaches that life is always speaking to us - and often, it speaks through the mirror of the external world. Think of a time you felt a deep emotional reaction to someone. Perhaps someone’s confidence triggered discomfort in you. Perhaps another’s vulnerability made you uneasy. Perhaps you found yourself resenting someone’s freedom, their ability to express what you cannot.

Where does this come from? Understand, that every trigger is a signpost. It does not point to the external world, but to something within us that is waiting to be acknowledged.

  • The confidence that annoys us? Perhaps it is a call to reclaim our own suppressed power.
  • The freedom that unsettles us? Perhaps it reminds us of the ways we have kept ourselves small.
  • The emotions in others that make us uncomfortable? Perhaps they reveal the feelings we have refused to let ourselves feel.
  • That irritation you feel when someone takes up too much space? Maybe it’s because you were told not to.
  • That jealousy that creeps in when someone is effortlessly confident? Maybe it’s because you haven’t allowed yourself to fully shine.
  • That guilt when you rest? Maybe it’s because a part of you still believes that you have to earn your worth.

The things that trigger us in others are often reflections of the parts of ourselves that we haven’t made peace with. The good news is: this isn’t something to fear, it’s something to explore! We think that avoiding certain emotions makes them disappear. But suppression doesn’t equal healing - it just pushes things deeper, where they fester and grow. Unprocessed emotions don’t just sit there, somewhere between oblivion and far away - they become part of our resonance field  - the energetic signature we carry with us.

  • The unacknowledged grief? It might show up as emotional numbness.
  • The suppressed anger? Maybe it turns into passive-aggressiveness or resentment.
  • The denied need for love? It might show up as people-pleasing or staying in relationships longer than you should.

The more we resist something, the more control it has over us. But when we turn toward it, breathe into it, and allow it to be seen, something shifts: it softens, it integrates, it stops controlling us from the shadows and becomes part of our wholeness again.

 

To heal the shadow is to enter into dialogue with it. It is to sit with discomfort without trying to erase it, to feel emotions without suppressing them, to ask questions without rushing to find answers. You don’t have to sit in a dark room for hours analysing your past. Shadow work isn’t just about thinking - it’s rather more about feeling. It’s about energetically welcoming back the parts of yourself you’ve abandoned. Obviously, this can be scary in the beginning. And so here are a few ways to start:

  1. Seeing with judging. Notice what triggers you. The first step in shadow work is not to analyse, but to witness. Instead of pushing away feelings that make you uncomfortable, pause and ask yourself:
    • Close your eyes. Take a deep breath.
    • Think of a recent emotional trigger - a moment of frustration, jealousy, anger, sadness.
    • Instead of pushing it away, simply observe it. Where does it sit in the body? Where have I felt this before?
    • Ask yourself: What is this feeling trying to reveal to me?
    • Is this pointing to a part of me that I may have rejected?
    • Notice any judgments that arise. Release them. Simply be with what is.
    • Explanation: If someone’s overconfidence annoys you, ask yourself: Is there a part of me that wants to feel more confident? Or, if someone’s neediness frustrates you, ask: Have I denied my own need for connection? Our biggest triggers often hold the key to the parts of ourselves we need to reclaim.
    • Key Insight: The shadow only controls us when we refuse to look at it. The moment we see it clearly, its power over us begins to dissolve!
  2. Moving Energy. Release the energy, not just the thought. Because the shadow exists energetically, it must be moved through the body. You don’t just process emotions by thinking about them. Try this:
    • If you feel anger rising, instead of pushing it down, find a healthy way to move it. Shake your body, punch a pillow, go for a run, scream into a towel if you need to.
    • If sadness comes up, let it be felt. Cry if you need to. Play music that moves you. Place a hand on your heart and just sit with it.
    • If fear shows up, instead of denying it, take slow, deep breaths and remind yourself, It’s okay to feel this. I don’t need to fight it.
    • Key Insight: Healing is just about "understanding" - it is about allowing energy to flow again where it was once blocked. Energy wants to move - when you stop resisting it, it stops feeling so overwhelming.
  3. Reconnect with your Higher Self. At its core, shadow work is not just about facing pain - it is about reclaiming who you were always meant to be. It holds the "bad" things we suppress, as well as the parts of ourselves that we may have forgotten we are capable of. If you were told as a child that you were “too much,” your shadow might hold your boldness, your creativity, your voice. If you were told to be responsible, your shadow might contain your playfulness, your spontaneity, your joy. Close your eyes and imagine your Higher Self - the part of you that is loving, wise, and sees all of you without judgment. Ask:
    • What part of me have I been neglecting?
    • What would happen if I allowed myself to fully embody this part of me?
    • What does integration feel like in my body?
    • Key Insight: Allow yourself to receive whatever comes up. It doesn’t have to be a big revelation - sometimes, it is (just) a subtle shift, a softening, a moment of clarity. When we reintegrate the shadow, we do not just heal - we reclaim our fullness.

Remember, that you are not broken. You don’t need to “fix” yourself. The parts of you that you’ve pushed away aren’t meant to be locked in a box - they are meant to be embraced, understood, and reintegrated. The shadow is not our enemy - it is the part of us that longs to be remembered. The more you befriend your shadow, the less resistance you feel in life. The less you resist, the more life flows. And when life flows… you don’t have to push. And if this resonates with you, let it sink in. Take your time. Shadow work isn’t about rushing - it is about allowing, feeling, and unfolding in your own time.

YOU DON’T HAVE TO PUSH THE RIVER!
BUT WILL YOU ALLOW TO MOVE YOURSELF WITH IT?
YOUR SHADOW ALREADY HOLDS THE KEY TO YOUR DEEPEST TRANSFORMATION.
YOU ARE ALREADY WHOLE!

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