The conflict you feel that is caused by external factors is internal conflict that has been made visible externally for you to re-cognise and heal. In order to do that, you need presence where there is now (understandably so) resistance. I would like to encourage you to transition from "oh damn, why me..." to something like "oh yes, thank you God/universe for reminding me!"

To do this, for one, you need the courage for truth.
And then, you need the stomach for truth - where truth is, control is.

Look at yourself, and your life, and see where truth currently is in your life: is it within you, or outside of you? Where it is outside of you, you will be at the mercy of that truth (with all the patterns of contraction and protection against such). Where it is already within you, you embody that truth, and you will find even higher truths to discover.

Yet, the belief structures you have created that keep you safe (even if that is highly uncomfy) are the ones that keep you stuck. And so, it will be close to impossible to transition into the space of the new and bright - even if that is brightly lit - if your subconscious thinks this is not survivable, likeable, or otherwise -abled; it will rather kill itself than go there...

The crux is: How much can you love yourself for the pain and suffering in your life to leave your space?

And you may feel overwhelmed at the thought of this, and powerless, and forsaken. But what I always see is a wowsome soul energy that keeps pushing through, over and over again. Is it not more like: when it/all goes well, you drop the focus...? And so life brings you back to issues at hand, for inspiring and helping you to bring your focus back to matters that needs healing.

When you do, understand that you heal this with love, self-love, and not with thinking your way out of it. When you truly choose to love your life, would that not have serious repercussions in your life? What would be, how would you be, who would you be, and where would this take you? So then, why do you settle for less at any given moment?

Even when self-love is a wound almost every human is carrying around with him or herself, you can still love others as much as you can. And when you take a step back and look at it from a bird's eye perspective, you will understand that loving others is self-love in disguise. The secrets of the universe are not to be understood by the mind, they can only be felt with the heart-space.

Try to meet all and any adversity in your life with a standard response of "How can I be present in the current situation, and how can I love myself even more while doing so?"

May you be safe. May you be healthy. May you be happy. May you live with ease!