The conflict you feel that is caused by external factors is internal conflict that has been made visible externally for you to re-cognise and heal. In order to do that, you need presence where there is now (understandably so) resistance. I would like to encourage you to transition from "oh damn, why me..." to something like "oh yes, thank you God/universe for reminding me!"

To do this, for one, you need the courage for truth.
And then, you need the stomach for truth - where truth is, control is.

Embodied spirituality is a concept that integrates the physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual aspects of human experience into a unified whole. It emphasises the importance of connecting with the body as a vehicle for spiritual growth, transformation, and self-realisation. Unlike traditional forms of spirituality that may prioritize transcendence or detachment from the physical realm, embodied spirituality recognizes the inherent sacredness of the body and seeks to honour and integrate its wisdom into the spiritual journey.

At its core, embodied spirituality acknowledges that the body is not separate from the spiritual self but rather an integral part of it. This perspective emphasises the interconnectedness of mind, body, and spirit, viewing them as inseparable aspects of the human experience. Instead of viewing the body as a hindrance to spiritual progress, embodied spirituality sees it as a valuable tool for self-discovery, healing, and enlightenment.